We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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