I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
