mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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