ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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