sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
