I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How's work?
Spinning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
