the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
