Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
