I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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