she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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