I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
