she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize