I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
