Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
