have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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