and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
