Having a random hookup so left but love u
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
