I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
