Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
