Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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