I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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