gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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