Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
