OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
