Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
