I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
