You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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