i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
