my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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