A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
