I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize