Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
