oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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