We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
