i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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