it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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