Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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