sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
