Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
