I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
