words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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