; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
