Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
