bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize