I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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