When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize