Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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