why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
