He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
