It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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