You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
