She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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