i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
