Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
