For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
