I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
