If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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