I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize