God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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