I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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