I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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