is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just cropdusted the office
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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