I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
