At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
