So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So squirting runs in the family.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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