He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
