My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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