I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
