He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
