He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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