i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
