my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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