i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
